Still Hurts

You know, I'm getting kind of upset about those who insist that I should be just fine now after seven years. I notice how it is coming only from those who have not lost a child. Those who have lost a child have no problem with it.
I lead a normal life, but the pain of losing a child never leaves, and it has left me a different person. Some people don't really care for the new me. I'm sorry about that. I am who I am. I'm sorry if that is not good enough for some of you. I still love you, but I can't make myself be that person I used to be.
I'm so happy that God excepts the new me. He loves me just the way I am.

song

The song by Matthew West, Save a Place For Me, could have been written by me about Phil. Check it out!

The Past

Yesterday someone told me I should not be living in the past but only look forward.

In Phil. 3:13......but one thing I do,forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. This is true, but in Isaiah 49:15 it also says, Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Even if the child lives in heaven now, she cannot forget her child. That child is so much a part of her that it would be like cutting off her arm if she were to put that child out of her thoughts. Those who would be a friend in this present day, must also include her child.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but only those who have lost a child will understand. That is not to say that other losses are not painful. They are. My mother has been gone almost 10 years. It still hurts and I miss her very much.
I have learned to live again without the presence of my son. I have three amazing sons here, their wonderful wives, and nine grandkids. They all bring great joy. I'm also so filled with joy having God as my heavenly Father, Jesus who provided my Salvation, and the Holy Spirit as God's amazing gift to enable me to live a life devoted to God.

Today

I woke up missing Phil so much I could hardly breathe. This sometimes happens even 7 years after. Before Phil died we talked about our forever love. It never ends and will carry over to heaven. Sometimes during worship when the Holy Spirit is so strong in the room I sense him standing next to me praising God. I believe this will happen in heaven, only it will be a mass of people praising God. How wonderful!

After seven years

Some people ask me if the pain ever stops. The answer is no. You do however learn to live with and around the pain. There are actual days when you can go hours without letting your mind or heart take you to the pain. You can go whole weeks without tears. But, always the pain is just below the surface, and can come back at a seconds notice. I notice also that if you are upset, or hurting for any other reason the pain of the loss of someone comes roaring back. I hope that if you are huring today that you will know someone cares and is willing to be there for you. Nancy

First Post

I am starting a blog to allow grieving people a place to give and receive comfort and help.